do i really want to do this?

it's a question i ask myself every day.

i know all the feminist mantra -

"you should never settle for what you are only partly happy with"

"you deserve better"

"you should be with someone who makes you feel good, not bad"

- but why is it so difficult to follow?!

i think that soon, i will have to accept that we have can't go far. that we value things too differently - what's important to me is not to him and vice versa.

and they're too big to be insignificant - i can't just ignore them or sweep them under the carpet for what i think is love.

is it love?

he has said it many times. i haven't. because i don't know what it is.

and i don't know whether what i feel for him, as strong as it is sometimes, is really love.

but that's just it. is this really how he loves? is this the only way he KNOWS how to love?

as much as i feel it, i don't think it's enough for me.