i'm sorry

i have been ignoring the signs that You have been giving me.

You kept telling me in Your countless ways that it was all wrong and that he was all wrong.

but i didn't listen.

still, You kept bestowing Your wisdom, urging me to trust You.

and still i didn't.

i've been too stubborn, too headstrong and was blinded by hope.

a baseless, useless hope.

a foolish hope.

in that foolish hope, i placed my heart, my dreams, only for them to be broken.

crushed.

i can only be thankful that You never gave up in sending and showing me those signs.

You were persistent and kind, even when i chose to ignore You, even as i insisted on following my own stubbornness.

and now,

i tire of the pain,
of the sorrow,
of the endless disappointment.

only You have never failed me.

so i surrender to Your wisdom,
i trust Your judgement,
i place my hope in You.

only You are worthy of it.

Thank You for showing me the way.