it's been difficult

but i've taken baby steps to heal.

i've removed myself from his life - as a friend, as an acquaintance, as someone who was close to him. i've made myself unavailable.

i don't think he misses me one bit. and even if he did just a little bit, he's the kind of person who can just brush such feelings away.

as time passes and as i slowly wrench my heart back, the more i can see how he was no good for me.

i read back my previous posts and i could see how futile things were. i've never been insecure but i allowed him to plant seeds of insecurities in me and those seeds grew fertile in my mind.

and the loser was me.

he didn't lose anything. he didn't care. he has moved on and dismissed whatever we had.

how could i ever think that i loved such a man?

now, i'm not sure whether i am mourning the loss of him or just the loss of the intimacy and attention from someone.

but i know time is my best friend. time will heal me. time will help me forgive.

but i will never forget.