finally

he finds the guts to tell me what i've sensed in my gut for some time.

he's thinks we've gotten too close and he has suddenly realised that he doesn't want to lead me on.

he doesn't think he can commit to me and so to avoid disappointing me in the future, he has to disappoint me now.

although i knew it was coming, it still hit hard when it came.

i asked him, was any of it real? did you really ever care about me? he said yes, i did and i still do. it's just that we've become too close, he repeated.

i asked and i asked, and he answered as best as he could. and all it came back to was: we've become too close.

i began to thank him for all the times we'd spent together but then he said why are you acting as if it's the last farewell?

i said it's not but from now, i have to view you on a different emotional level. you don't want us to be close anymore so i have to condition myself to stop seeing you as someone that i can just pick up the phone and talk to. it's different now. you're different to me.

we've heard this stories before, haven't we? they just never happened to us. before.

what do i do now?

how can i live through my days knowing that he's not thinking of me at all?

that the one thing i did wrong was to love him and all i wanted was to be with him.

i hope he finds what he's looking for. even if it's not me.