i suppose

why i'm finding it difficult to accept that it's over is because he was the first man i felt a real connection to.

all my life up to him, i'd thought, no, i knew, that i was different from others. i'm no stereotype - i've never 'fitted' here, there, anywhere.

and i had always thought that i'll never find someone who'd really GET me.

and then i met him. people said we were soulmates.

and i really thought we were. for the connection and attachment was so real, i could touch it, hold it, embrace it.

and i really thought it would go the distance.

that WE would go the distance.

i thought we had strength and trust in our relationship, and our bond was unbreakable because we could talk things through. because we could always talk things through.

imagine my surprise when he started giving me the cold shoulder, stopped calling, not sharing details of his daily life with me.

what's a girl to think? all signs point to another woman, right?

while i'm sad, mostly i'm disappointed that he has turned out this way. i'd always tagged such actions to cowardice. and i didn't figure him to be a coward.

what has this episode of my life taught me?

i rack my brains to find out what i've done wrong. and the only conclusion that i can come to is: NONE.

i'm not clingy, i'm supportive, i'm caring, i'm kind.

so it's not me; it's him. he can't commit, he wants to answer to no one, he values his freedom to much.

and i guess i got too close, i was in his life too much.

because of that, he viewed it as an infringement of his life.

and so i'm now disregarded, discarded.

it's the worst feeling in the world, you know.

when you realise that someone who loved you and who said he loved you, doesn't anymore.

worst feeling in the world.