my instincts

tell me it's over.

he's unattentive, he doesn't call like before, we don't meet as often and when we do see each other, it's stilted, awkward, like we're back to being strangers.

i miss our closeness. i miss our conversations of nothing and everything. i miss seeking his opinion, i miss him seeking mine. i miss being the first person he tells his news, i miss him being mine. i miss his touch, i miss touching him.

i miss him.

and even though he hasn't said anything, he doesn't have to.

in the deepest of my heart, i know his is no longer with me.

what gets me the most, though, is that i really thought what we had had meant something. we journeyed through so much and to many places together.

i thought i had gotten under his skin, had touched his soul, had a place in his heart.

i guess i was naive.

after all, he had a track record. but like women since the beginning of time, i had thought that i was different. that i was special. that i was the one.

my brain tells me i can do better. that i deserve better. that i deserve to have what i want.

my heart tells me different. it pines. it yearns.

it breaks.