i'm tired

of feeling miserable.

it's been nearly 3 months but why am i still into him?

i know i can't force things but i soooo want to move on with my life.

but my mind keeps going back to him.

what is he doing. who is he with. who does he talk to. who does he see. who's making him laugh.

it's pathetic, i know.

my friends say don't fight it, wallow in my grief.

other friends say fight it, force your thoughts on other things, don't waste your time and efforts on him.

and in my heart, i do know, that is what i should be doing. that is what i MUST do.

sometimes i can. but most times, my thoughts are drawn back to him. i may not think of him for an hour or two but then at night, when i lie in bed, he will be the last thing i think of.

WHY IS IT SO BLOODY DIFFICULT TO GET THE BASTARD OUT OF MY HEAD?!

friends recommended the following remedies:

1. slut around
2. get a hobby
3. always be surrounded by people, don't be alone

no 1 is not me. i can DATE a lot of men but what's the point when i'm not ready? i'd be wasting my time and theirs.

no 2 - i already have hobbies and they don't help.

no 3 - my friends have lives and i don't want to encroach upon them. they are probably tired of my whining. heck, i am tired from my whining.

i'm tired. so tired.

i wish the pain would end soon.