i let you go

my heart is in infinite pieces - just how broken it is, you'll never know.

in its state, it's doing a final act to save itself - it's letting you go.

so go and find whatever it is you are looking for. i wish you the best of everything, in all that you do.

may you continue to bring joy and happiness to the people you meet - it's a gift i had the privilege to enjoy. even in that short while, you gave me such happiness that i never thought i'd ever get to experience in my life.

thank you for showing to me that it is POSSIBLE.

and most of all, i hope you will find your own joy.

i know you like i know myself. and you know it too just as you yourself had said. that we are the same.

i know deep in your heart, you are not happy. so just as i know of the emptiness inside me that has yet to be filled, i know too this emptiness exists inside you. because we are one and the same.

it is fate that we will not be on this journey together.

and so i let you go.

i'm tired

of feeling miserable.

it's been nearly 3 months but why am i still into him?

i know i can't force things but i soooo want to move on with my life.

but my mind keeps going back to him.

what is he doing. who is he with. who does he talk to. who does he see. who's making him laugh.

it's pathetic, i know.

my friends say don't fight it, wallow in my grief.

other friends say fight it, force your thoughts on other things, don't waste your time and efforts on him.

and in my heart, i do know, that is what i should be doing. that is what i MUST do.

sometimes i can. but most times, my thoughts are drawn back to him. i may not think of him for an hour or two but then at night, when i lie in bed, he will be the last thing i think of.

WHY IS IT SO BLOODY DIFFICULT TO GET THE BASTARD OUT OF MY HEAD?!

friends recommended the following remedies:

1. slut around
2. get a hobby
3. always be surrounded by people, don't be alone

no 1 is not me. i can DATE a lot of men but what's the point when i'm not ready? i'd be wasting my time and theirs.

no 2 - i already have hobbies and they don't help.

no 3 - my friends have lives and i don't want to encroach upon them. they are probably tired of my whining. heck, i am tired from my whining.

i'm tired. so tired.

i wish the pain would end soon.